Progress (The Progress Series) by Queau Amy

Author:Queau, Amy [Queau, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2013-03-01T00:00:00+00:00

He walked through the door, went straight to his room, and began reading to distract himself from the past twelve hours’ worth of embarrassment. He grabbed random books from the bookshelf in the living room and pieces of text jumped out from the pages as his mind absorbed them.

“…the soul maintains its deathly sleep and the heart bleeds from a thousand wounds.”

–Hugo Wolf

“There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness.”

–Kay Redfield Jamison

As he didn’t have a shift that day, he entertained a disquieted feeling brewing in his mind.

His episodes had become fewer in recent years, but he had learned to recognize them when they started rearing their faces. He jumped at the opportunity to think clearly, to brainstorm and have the enthusiasm for life and ideas again. He encouraged it, craved it, and wouldn’t let anything stop the rush it gave him. He had to take advantage of the flow when it came. The clarity and focus he was beginning to experience had been sorely missed. This was exactly what he needed to come up with a solution to Bree, if he had been thinking straight enough to exercise his focus on her. Instead, he opted to focus on his illness.

Book after book, articles, newspapers, case studies, and the internet became his devoted pals. He began by reading all of the books that doctors, friends, and family had advised him to read at an earlier time, but he’d never taken them seriously enough to care.

The surge of knowledge was almost overwhelming at first. It was as though these authors had chosen him, specifically, to write books about. They told of his fast ideas and feelings, captivating people with words and gestures, and finding intrigue in uninteresting people. But somewhere in there was the light switch that would go off, without warning. Ideas and feelings would become jumbled as friends became confused and worried. He would stop making sense, to himself and to others, and suddenly become irritable and unmanageable. Eventually he would be lost within his own mind because the information was processed too quickly and there were suddenly too many possibilities. “Madness carves its own reality.”

And he knew that all too soon it would come crashing down. All of his thoughts, his obsessions, and his temporary interests would vanish and he would have little if no memories of gaining such insight; he’d just resurface on the other side with a general knowledge of it. In Jesse’s case, this might not be such a bad thing. With the decisions he needed to make about his future with Bree, his friendship with Charlie, and whether or not he wanted to be a pizza delivery boy the rest of his life, shutting down seemed like a perfect vacation from his scattered thoughts and lucid nightmares.

But concluding that escapist sabbatical, he would be severely depressed, unable to get up in the morning, allowing himself to crawl towards the darkest place instead of lifting himself out of it.

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